Preface to the below article:
I don’t actually hate everyone who is an influencer. That’s silly. Don’t be silly, I can do that well enough for both of us. My gripes not with influencers who have influence from a place of passion. I hate every influencer who has a massive following just for no reason. The one’s who act like they deserve free shit for nothing. Do whatever you want but if you go online fishing for free stuff then get to actual fuck.
The internet’s a big place these days. Everyone has social media now and as a result every platform now feels like my high school canteen. Overcrowded and full of wankers. Everyone screams over one another to get noticed, some are probably high and there are a select few who just want today to be over so they can go home and play xbox.
Influencers are like the wanna be trend setters of high school. The kids who would do some DIY shit to their uniform in the hopes it would catch on or they would talk about really obscure products no one heard of or needed in their lives. Now normally these folk would just realise they’re of no real worth in the grand scheme of things and fade away into obscurity but then social media really fucking kicked off and now these same cunts have online followings consisting almost entirely of yes men.
Then someone decided to give them free stuff so they could leech off those followings and now we have a bunch of folk who don’t think they have to pay for shit when they go to a bar or use a local business because they are quite literally a waste of skin.
But there’s more to it. Influencer’s are wank stains for so many reasons:
Give me free stuff in exchange for a “shout out”
In theory this sounds like a decent trade off but it’s really not. Unless you genuinely give a shit about the product or service or you’re passionate about the niche then your shout outs come off as fake and do fuck all except get you some free gear or a free vacation stay. Why the fuck would I give up my goods or services in exchange for a halfhearted Instagram post with my handle tagged in the caption. Get fucked.
The influencers that do this well are the ones who actually know their followers and what niche they represent and (this is the important bit) they actually like whatever it is they’re pushing. If you’re a fashion blogger and you’re pushing some fucking indie game then folk will smell the bullshit. The folk who know what they’re about and push the shit they genuinely think would benefit their following are the good ones. Everyone else get fucked.
If you don’t give me free shit I’ll “expose” you
Suck my dick. This is the new temper tantrum of the modern age. Fucking grown adults will complain because businesses expect them to pay money in exchange for something they want. This shit happens more often than folk think and it’s so common in the service industry. When I worked in a nightclub behind the bar we got this shit all the fucking time. Some twat with “a large social following” or some shit would approach the bar and demand free shots or something like table service for free and when I explained that they have to pay they would act all shocked and give some veiled threat about how I’ve just cost the club a lot of business.
Fuck off. Holy shit. It’s shit like this that makes me happy I’m still pretty much invisible online. Happier still I do all my shit on a print on demand basis so I don’t even have any stock to give out for free. You can’t touch me if no one can see me fucker.
I would rather my product and work speak for itself than have you screeching about it online
This is more my personal philosophy than a dig at influencers but I’m not running a full time thing here. This is a passion project. I’m doing it to grow as an artist and see if my stuff is any good or has any potential. I’m not aiming to break bank and retire at 35. I just want to make dope shit and see if people like it. If I need to have some fucking entitled bell-end upping my products then my stuff must be shite.
I see this all the time on Instagram especially where artists out folk like this.
Just buy the fucking shirt or tote bag or print and recommend it based on the merit of the product.
I don’t give a shit how big you are, if I don’t like you I’m not letting you have any role in my brand
Again this is just my personal philosophy but I’m reaffirming it.
I work and have worked with some utter fucking useless people the entirety of my working career. I have had to put up with some of the most insufferable, unprofessional, negative, fake and incompetent people.
So believe me when I say I will do everything in my power to keep those sorts as far away from the shit I genuinely enjoy doing. I will beat them away with sticks when they peer over my sketchbook in the local coffee shop, I will knock back every attempt they make to socialise with me in real life and I will come down hard on anyone who asks me for free shit so they can tell their friends all about me.
If you want some part of this you pay for the product. Once you buy it you can do whatever the fuck you want and say whatever the fuck you want. I don’t give a shit. This is my one thing where I don’t have to deal with folk I don’t like. I’ll keep it that way for as long as I can.
To wrap this up I’ll say that whole influencer thing would be ideal if it wasn’t overrun by absolute reprobates who are so far up their own arses they stick a toothbrush up their backside to brush and floss each morning. If you’re in a position where you can help out a business don’t hold it over their heads for ransom. Do it because they do good work or offer a good service that people deserve to know about. If you don’t act like an absolute spanner you may find these businesses will end up seek you out and offer you free shit instead of you having to ask for it like a full grown toddler.
Let me know what you think. Am I just being a twat myself here or am I making some semblance of a valid point?